The ghosts came after we left.
We didn’t even know they were waiting.
Now, all we have is what’s in front of us.
Because what’s behind is nothing but vapor.
Illusions of a past reality.
They didn’t care, these ghosts.
Something had to fill that void…
After we left.
Her eyes hold the depth of the sea and the intensity of its breakers, pearls of sage hidden in the deep.
Her cocoa rich locks dance in the coastal breeze.
Her touch, warm and soft like the sun-kissed sand.
She smiles like the sun, radiant and whole.
Her heart whispers love, like gentle ripples caressing a rocky shoreline.
Fierce as a nor’easter, meek as a friend.
A love that is only found
Once in a lifetime.
I embraced a thorny hedge, and it stung me.
I kissed fire, and it burned me.
I walked hand-in-hand with joy, and it slipped away.
I pursued desire, but misdirected.
Now I sit in a wilderness,
A stranger with no home.
Empty hands,
Empty heart,
And a will
To stay alone.
Grey wool skies
Your snow flecked nose
A twinkling in your eyes
A flake, so beautiful
And delicate too
Descends from heaven
To rest on you
It fades
How fleeting
this beauty…
Blushed cheeks and visible breath
Says to me, “I’m cold”
One to the other
Our eyes behold
Jewels of beauty and depth
Your sigh warms my lips
We kiss
As they drift along, when you see a cloud, you say “that’s a cloud,” because you know what a cloud looks like. Though it would take many shapes; a warm rain, harsh hail, frigid snow, electrified and deadly. But it is still a cloud. Will you then say that one cloud is less beautiful than any other? Or that it does not belong or is misshapen? We welcome the rain and fear the storms. But the cloud does not discriminate; it does what clouds do. And so consider a human, you see someone, and say “that is another person.” But you don’t know what storms they may bring, what warm rain or cool shade they may offer, or whether they’re here to harm or to help. They are who they are, and they do what they do. Now look beyond the flesh and vapor, to see deeper, to see what’s behind it all; a beauty, invisible and mysterious. Beyond the hate, beyond the fear.
There is a fear in the unknown, a terrible anxiety.
How is a person like a cloud, or a cloud like a planet, or a planet like a galaxy? These all painted on one canvas for all to see. But this canvas, that which holds it all together, is unseen.
Does it scare you?
Or do you take comfort in it?
The patterns, the shapes, reminders both subtle and bold. Take a moment and have a closer look.
Clouds passing, one-by-one.
It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?
Now don’t be afraid, just breathe deeply and remember to let go.
“Regard yourself as a cloud.” – Alan Watts
Happy for a moment
A storm comes
We part
Familiarity
Desolation
A cold respite
Unpleasant reminders
These mistakes
Lessons
Gossip
Hens
Red and black
Scars of the day
Like years
Written in clay
This moment
Not the past
Nor future
The storm passes
Sunrise
A sparrow sings
Fresh air
New perspective
Time to go
Turn the page.
To whom/what it may concern:
I’ve come to the realization that I may be alone for the rest of my life.
Most people have friends, everyone definitely has family, most of whom they love. I have friends too, the best friends, I also have family, they are my closest.
But something is missing, something very important.
I’ve been looking for you since I was a child. Hoping I’d find you in something or someone, hoping you’d show up at some point. Every time I did my best to impress you, because I truly thought it was you.
Every time I thought you were there, I was terribly mistaken.
When will I find you?
Why do you hide from me?
What are you waiting for?
There’s nothing more real than you, and I’ve yet to see you, you’re just a dream. I may never find you, that is my fear, to go through this life alone, without you, never getting to experience you, to truly know you, you are like a ghost that I wish were real…
Sometimes I get so weak, thinking I’ve found you, I’d surrender everything to you.
You are my greatest weakness, you made me want you, and I’d give anything to have you. Yet you elude…
I thought I found you in toys, toys that would break and get lost. Toys are cold, rough, lacking any breath of life.
Well, maybe in food, it feels good to eat, but it left me feeling guilty and sick in the end.
I tried money, that was a close one. Money, they say, can’t buy love, I should have listened. The ease of everything with money, when you have enough, it’s almost too easy. When you want anything, just buy it, anything. Too easy. Obviously you’re not easy.
Drugs, this one is a liar.
Alcohol, a depressant, you were not there.
Each of these ghosts led me astray. You were not there, you weren’t waiting for me in those places.
I tried people too…
I gave gifts, opened doors, did favors, I even got close to certain people, I kissed, I loved, I gave everything. You never showed up.
I thought I was so close to you, I was convinced, but at the last moment, it was not you.
I was a fool chasing ghosts.
Still looking for you, I know you’re out there somewhere, but I’m running out of options, is there a reason you’re hiding from me? What are you teaching me? Why are you such a mystery?
I have now turned inward, focusing on myself. It seems to be the last hope, my only option. I won’t let anyone in, I won’t give myself away anymore, I am focused on me.
The ball is in your court now, but don’t play games with me, I’m calling it. I’ll work on myself until you decide to show up. I’ll be here, doing my own thing. But you’re going to have to work hard to get my full attention now, because I am no longer a fool.
They will try to convince me that I am fine as I am. All the things that left me feeling alone, they call back to me, telling me I am fine as I am, but I disagree.
I tried to be average, I tried to be normal, but I cannot be. There is something more in this life that I need to find, and I can’t give up my search, I know its value. I hate being played with, teased, disrespected, undervalued, and unloved. You’re all empty ghosts, I cannot find anything real.
Sometimes I have dreams about you loving me, giving yourself to me, setting each other free but choosing to stay together. You appear to me in many ways, but usually in people. If you’re out there, if my dreams are true, why can’t I find you?
Just be real, be all for me, and I’ll be all for you.
Where are you? Are you even real?
